Women are known to be terrible and evil creatures, and we are, though not entirely on purpose. Intentionally evil women are known as bitches, fair enough. But the worst thing that women do without meaning to is take a man who is falling in love with us and place him in that permanent category of “friend.” Once you become a “friend”, you remain a “friend” forever. Now there are a FEW exceptions I’m sure, but for about 99% of the “guy-friends” out there, don’t get your hopes up. That being said, women LOVE men-friends. We love them, we need them.

A male friend is just about better than any female friend and will be used much more in the counseling and venting department. A man-friend is someone we complain to about the jerks of the world, who we expect to be honest and flatter us wholeheartedly, give us advice whenever we call (we call them often), and never try to woo us because he’s our man-friend and should stay that way.

From the moment you meet a woman, she will have classified you in her mind as a “date” or “future friend.” If she is interested in you from the beginning and something goes wrong in the process, you can become a friend. The tricky thing about male friends and dating is that a woman will cheat on a guy enough to make him a friend while she makes it seem like she’s actually into him. All women will deny this “I’m just being nice! He knows we’re just friends” but the truth is that the only real difference in his actions most of the time is in her mind. And since you’re not his friend yet, you have no idea what he’s thinking.

This is what makes men-friends like gold, they understand us, and since we don’t want to lose someone who understands us so well, we really make sure not to get romantically involved with them.

Alright, here are some signs that will tell you if she is eager to become her friend.

5. She insists on paying her half

You won’t pay the whole bill, but you will always pay half. She doesn’t want to owe you anything, and friends don’t pay each other’s share of the bill unless it’s a special occasion. So if it’s right to begin with, she makes sure to cover herself financially, then she’s probably telling you that she wants you to be her friend.

4. She doesn’t flinch if you look at another girl.

In fact, it might even compliment your striking woman. Compliment her the way your mom would say “Oh, she looks nice” or “she seems like your type.” If your woman doesn’t mind you seeing other girls or she’s very comfortable with her friends flirting with you, chances are she’s just not interested. It is important to note that she may not be interested in you, but she will appear to be. She’ll be smiling and laughing and *totally* into you, but if you return any of the same displays of affection, she’ll back off and lead us on. . .

3. She has mini-Freak Outs when you get too close.

Sure, she could hug you or touch your hands and arms when you’re talking and together, but try something like that with her and she gets cold feet. See, a man-friend is someone we can shamelessly flirt with without having to worry if he likes us or not, he’s not supposed to. The man-friend is supposed to be a good sport and he just takes the flirting and knows he’s not going to get him anywhere. When women flirt and get cold, they are trying to train their new acquaintance to be a man-friend “take all the flirting I do with a grain of salt: if you react, I’ll stop, if not, I can continue.” He will also have some great madness sessions if you declare any kind of romantic interest in her. First, I could give you the “I like you… as a friend” speech.

2. She tells you how much she appreciates you.

Now, when the hell has a woman said that you are very important to her in the initial dates or stages of a relationship? If she is head over heels in love with you, she will NOT allude to any kind of future or dependency on you. She knows that guys tend to go crazy over immediate displays of attachment, and she wouldn’t risk scaring you off by admitting something like that if she liked you. The Man-Friender, however, will tell you a lot of things like that. If you’ve heard one of these statements before, chances are you’re becoming a man-friend.

• “I feel so comfortable with you. You are like a brother”
• “Before you, I had no one to trust”
• “I’m so glad we’re friends” (THE GREATEST SIGN OF ALL)
• “You remind me of my old friend, Kevin; we used to get along very well”
• “You are a good friend to me, what would I do without you?”

Obviously anything that emphasizes FRIEND or BROTHER indicates MAN-FRIEND.

1. She calls you

If she’s interested in you, she’s inevitably going to be playing all sorts of mind games and other silly dating games (letting the phone ring twice before answering, letting it go to voicemail, not accepting dates unless they’re planned three days in advance; article on her games later). A sure sign that you’re becoming a man-friend is that she starts calling you early in the dating game. Be VERY tired if she starts calling you just to chat and not to set up any kind of date. If she arranges a date night, then maybe you just have a very naughty girl. Lunch dates are not “I love you, sex man.” Lunch dates are “I want to complain and have some company”, be tired of lunch dates.

Those are some of the easy signs, my male readers. Also keep in mind that some of the more wicked women will seduce men in order to build an army of male friends. My suggestion to men who are becoming friends and don’t want that is to stop dumping her. If she flirts, you need to turn cold and make her start wanting you. If she calls, tell her you’ll call her back. She tries to regain the date position in the relationship, other than that you might as well move on to another girl who doesn’t take up your time and play on your emotions for nothing.