Has someone you love tried to hurt themselves by committing suicide? If so, how did it make you feel? I ask these questions because I can relate to them.

You see, my brother recently attempted suicide.

The whole experience really affected me. I was an emotional wreck. I had feelings of guilt and kept asking myself, ‘what could I have done to prevent this?’ Maybe I could have spent more time with him instead of being so wrapped up in my life. Maybe I could have been more alert and paid more attention to the signs. Maybe I could have done a bit more to help him.

I was punishing myself by playing the ‘Maybe I could have done it’ game.

I thank God every day that my brother’s suicide attempt failed. He is getting the help he needs and we are spending a lot more time together. Things are getting a lot better. He is smiling and laughing again. He is on the road to recovery.

So why am I writing about something so personal and private in my life? Well, if my story helps just one person, they’ll all be worth it. You see, we were lucky, but sadly many are not. Hopefully this article will help you recognize the warning signs or help you understand and deal with your feelings.

First, what are the possible warning signs of suicide to look for?

o Talking about suicide (even jokingly)

or isolation

o Recent loss (divorce, death, job, religious faith, separation, etc.)

o Previous suicide attempt

o Change in personality or behavior

o Change in sleeping or eating patterns

o Sexual problems (impotence, erectile dysfunction)

or low self-esteem

or no hope for the future

or substance abuse

o Give away favorite belongings

o Make arrangements for pets

or make a will

or give up life

So let’s ask ourselves, ‘Why do people give up on life?’ Well, I’m a firm believer in the fact that many of those who take their lives don’t want to die as much as they want to ‘get over whatever’s going on’. They want the pain to stop.

Although the reasons why people commit suicide can vary, certain life events can also trigger suicide. Some of these could be:

o Family or relationship problems

o Economic or work problems

o Retirement or physical illness, especially in older people.

or loneliness

or rejection

Another trigger for suicide (and probably the most common) has nothing to do with a social level, such as work or relationship. That trigger has to do with a person’s brain chemistry, which, in turn, causes depression.

Depression is one of the leading causes of suicide. The thing to remember is that depression can be successfully treated. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can be reversed.

Millions of people every day are faced with the problems and stresses of this world, so nothing new. It is the way in which a person’s mind and heart react to the pressures that lead some to commit suicide. So when the underlying factors are addressed, many people react differently to the issues and stresses that can trigger suicide.

It is important to realize that suicide is a ‘permanent solution to a temporary problem’. One expert described it by saying: ‘Committing suicide is like treating a cold with a nuclear bomb.’ Suicide is never justified.

I feel I must mention the fact that sometimes it’s only easy to recognize the signs of suicidal feelings after the fact. The present is another story. Many times this is because it is almost impossible to know what another person is thinking and feeling. We are not mind readers and it doesn’t help when many suicidal people simply don’t open up and talk about their innermost feelings with others, even close friends and family.

That was the case with my brother. He is a very quiet person who rarely talked about his problems or things that bothered him.

So how can family, friends or others help?

Well, first of all remember that all suicide attempts must be treated seriously. There is no room for error. Studies have shown that ’20-30% of people who have attempted suicide will repeat their attempt within a year’. The study goes on to show that ‘more than 50% of suicides (in the United States) occur in people who have not had contact with a mental health professional.’ So, as mentioned above, help is available. Your condition can be helped. No situation is hopeless.

Another way family and friends can help is to remember that sometimes a suicide attempt is a cry for help. So naturally, family and friends want to do and say the right thing to the one who has given up hope. One of the main things to remember is not to patronize them. They know what they did and why they did it, so they don’t need to be coddled.

Also, it won’t help to use expressions like: ‘Get over it’, ‘Many people are worse off than you are’, ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself’ and ‘Get over it’. Instead, try to be there for them. Be a good listener and listen to what they have to say. Be a true friend to them. Emphasize that while you may not fully understand how bad they feel, the experience of others is proof that things will get better.

In my brother’s case, my whole family got together and discussed how we would help him. We made time for him and showed him how much we love him. Don’t get me wrong, there were mistakes along the way. There were some who patronized him and treated him like a china doll. Some seemed to walk on eggshells all around him. He didn’t need that. My brother told me how bad that made him feel. That’s how I knew what to write in this article.

All this experience has brought my brother and me closer than ever. I thank God that he is improving.

The best advice I can give to anyone who has been through something similar to my experience is to try to help your loved one by showing them that life, which should be their most prized possession, is worth living.

Bottom line, if someone you love tries to hurt themselves, remember, it’s not your fault. Stop punishing yourself or blaming yourself. Get them the help they need. Be there for them. Don’t sponsor them. Show them you care.

I hope I have been able to help you by telling you about my personal and private experience.

Good luck to all of you,

Ana