There are obvious questions and typical myths surrounding the dating phenomenon between older women and younger men. Here is a partial list:

Q: Isn’t it just about sex? And don’t cougars just want a youngster to have fun and play with?

Nope! Many people think of Stiffler’s mom in American Pie or Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate and assume that cougars are desperate aging women willing to pounce on any younger man with a pulse. There is much more to this dating dynamic than people realize. It’s not just about the sex, and yes, I know plenty of May/December couples who are very happily married. Cougar women are actually much more selective about their younger man and this means that younger men must have more to bring to the party than just a raging libido. Younger men are driving this trend. There are more young men looking for older women than older women looking for younger men. So, it’s the ladies’ choice.

Q: Cougar dating is here to stay?

Yes. It has always existed and is very popular in Europe. In the United States, 30% of older women date younger men. The BBC says that 25% of older women are married to younger men. From a physiological perspective, it makes sense that an older woman would prefer a younger man. From a psychological imprinting perspective, I have interviewed thousands of men who have specific defining moments in their lives when they knew they were attracted to older women and preferred them to women their own age.

Q: Why don’t these guys go after women their own age?

Younger men tell me that women their age are boring, manipulative, playful, self-centered, and shallow. They are drawn to the depth, maturity, and spirit of the older woman.

Q: What happens when men turn 35 and their Cougar is 50 or 60 or older? Don’t the young people leave?

20 years of psychological research specific to psychosexual imprinting focuses on how younger men imprint on older women. A footprint is a very powerful psychological phenomenon that is a lifetime bond. Her babysitter, schoolteacher, mom’s best friend, actresses, and other older women caused a footprint formation that instantly linked them to an attraction to older women. Even as these men get older, they continue to look for women older than them. For that reason, men over the age of 40 consider themselves Cubs and refuse to date women their age or younger. This explains why a man in his early 30s may marry a woman 20 years older than him and, once single, wants to find, date, and marry another older woman. Not all Cubs are 20-year-old men, and as I always tell my members, ‘There’s a lid for every pot.’

Q: So, is there more to this Cougar dating trend than the general public knows?

The ‘experts’ in the media and pop culture have jumped on the bandwagon and really know very little about this dynamic. They want to narrowly define this demographic of people and capitalize on and sensationalize it for profit, notoriety, and to sell their “self-published” books. People I have interviewed who have lived this lifestyle for many years take issue with this bias by non-credentialed people who offer a cursory overview of their otherwise convoluted lives. I do my best to make things clear.