The common denominator in your toxic relationships
Yesterday I was chatting with a lovely friend of mine, and the topic moved to hurtful-type relationships, and she made a valid and obvious point. There is never a single toxic relationship in our lives, and what they all have in common is us. So, to some extent, it means that it really isn’t them, and it really is us.
Now before you yell at me, listen to me. I’m not saying it was all your fault. But this is something that I know to be true about me and my relationships; I was complicit in allowing bad things to happen, and because it was happening in the greatest relationship of my life, I allowed it to drift onto others.
Think about your life. That relationship with your toxic partner colored your life, and I suppose you wanted a quiet life (or at least, allowed to live as you wanted). Because it colored his perceptions, his actions shifted around him. Then your boss started acting irrationally, or a family member started picking on you … see the pattern?
We get what we allow people to give. Some people don’t like us and never will, and some people say “I like me, who do you like?” People who fall into these categories will go out of their way to annoy and annoy you, or they won’t care if their actions in their quest for world domination upset you. But the common denominator until the end is you.
Since you are the common denominator, what do you do about it?
The answer is simple. Don’t give them a chance to spread your particular toxicity for your life. You can deal with this in many ways. Be nice to them or cut them out of your life. It’s your choice. But when you think about your toxic relationships and realize that you always attract bastards into your life, it is partly because you are giving them permission.
Take away the permission and take away the pain.
The freedom from this is immense. I know that a toxic relationship erodes our confidence and we condition other people’s responses to us by our actions and beliefs as to what we might feel we deserve, depending on our low self-esteem. It just makes us an easy target for abuse. If we don’t tell the people in our lives who hurt us that this is exactly what they are doing, how will they know to stop?
Be the common denominator of the good things and the precious friends in your life.